We, for so many days, from our prayer every day -
what fruit did we look for?
We looked for Peace.
We thought -
this prayer - like a huge tree - will give us shadow,
will save us from the heat of the World every day.
But, looking for Peace, we cannot obtain Her.
If we do not want Her much more than that,
then even the Prayer to Peace gets wasted.
The fever patient says ruefully -
may this burning of mine be cooled;
perhaps (s)he dives into the water.
The peace that comes from that -
does not last;
in fact, it may increase the heat.
If the patient wants peace, not health -
then (s)he gets neither peace nor health.
We too cannot do with Peace, we need Love1.
In fact, that little bit of Peace we get in mind,
for some time a covering of softness comes upon us -
it tricks us;
we sit - rest assured in mind - our prayer was successful;
and yet,
we see no success
on the Inside.
Because, we see that the disease has not gone away.
Whole day, in sundry affairs, we see that the Relationship
between the World and us has not become easy.
Just like the relationship between a patient and his/her outer nature,
this relationship has also become like that.
Where there is but a slight chill on the outside,
the patient's body is experiencing unbearable cold;
where there is but a very slight touch on the outside,
the patient's body is suffering from excruciating pain.
Our state too is like that;
in the behavior with Outside,
our weight is not manifesting correctly.
Small words are getting heard with great importance;
small things are getting extremely heavy.
When does the weight increase?
When its attraction towards the center increases.
The light stuff we lift easily on earth -
if we go to Jupiter,
then there even that much might crush our bones.
Because there - this attraction towards the center is much stronger than that on the earth.
We are seeing that as well -
our attraction towards our own center is extremely strong;
our selfishness is only pulling us inside,
our vanity is only pulling us inside -
this is precisely why
every thing is getting extremely heavy.
That which is trivial -
is continuously pressing me -
owing only to that internal pull of mine;
verily, every thing is choking me,
every word is pushing me away -
by momentary peace if we forget this,
what is our gain in that?
When does this pressure lighten?
When we are in Love2.
Then that pull goes outward.
In our lives,
many times we have seen the signature of that.
The day when
with our love interest
our love-making
has been especially successful -
that day,
not only has the light of the sky become brighter,
not only has the greenery of the woods become greener,
that day -
in this World,
the pull of our own weight
has completely loosened.
When on other days
I give a beggar only a penny -
on that day I give him/her a couple of quarters!
Which is to say,
on other days the weight a penny commanded -
today,
fifty pennies have that weight.3
On other days,
the work that used to make me tired and exhausted -
today, that work does not give me any tedium or exhaustion;
suddenly the work has become lighter.
The penny is still that same penny,
the work is still that same work -
only its weight has decreased.
Because the pull today is not toward my own center;
Love4 has pulled me outward -
has reduced the burden of the Whole World
altogether, in a single instant.
Whatever our spiritual practice may be,
if our World does not keep lightening with that -
then we shall understand
our goal has not been reached.
If I understand the weight of money is still that fearsome,
the burden of materials is still pressing me -
I do not have the courage
to throw away
even the smallest
among those,
if I see
the work as big -
but its weight - as if - much bigger than that,
then
it is to be understood
that Love has not arrived;
the groom has not arrived
in our welcoming session.
Then,
what will happen with that little bit of peace?
With that,
our real thing will be cheated;
we will be forced to settle for less.
Within Love,
there is not just Peace -
there is Disquiet as well.
Like the water of high tide,
not only that has fullness,
but also has a velocity -
just like the former.
That will not keep us sitting idly
by filling us -
that will pull us
in a reverse current,
away from the
mouth of the low tide;
it is verily then
that
with this Immobile World,
we will not have to die -
only tugging at it,
only rowing strenuously with a single oar;
that World will sail on its own -
rapidly and effortlessly.
Until and unless
that pull of Love catches us,
we have no use with mere peace -
until then,
may we feel the Troubles.
Until then,
may we go to sleep at night
with our pain - our sorrows;
and may we
wake up in the morning
with our pain - our sorrows;
oh Lord,
please drown me
in my own tears;
oh Lord,
please do not keep me
at rest.
Every day morning,
when the door out of darkness opens,
then
may I see
my Friend standing there -
be it a day of happiness,
be it a day of misery,
be it a day of danger -
with You I met,
today I have no worries anymore,
today I shall be able to verily bear everything.
When Love is not there,
oh My Friend,
it is then only
that I plead for Peace.
Then
because my savings are short,
I cannot
tolerate
any blows.
But,
when Love rises -
then the sorrow and the misery -
in which that Love shall be tested -
even that sorrow and that misery
I can carry on my head.
Oh My Friend,
at the time of prayer
I shall not look for Peace anymore,
I shall only look for Love5.
Love shall come
in the Form of Peace,
and
in the Form of Disquiet;
Love shall come
in the Guise of Happiness,
and
in the Guise of Misery;
May Love Come in any Guise -
looking at His Face,
may I be able to say:
I have recognized You, my Friend, I have recognized You.
30 Agrahāyaṇa 1315
(December 15, 1908)
Bengali original: http://www.tagoreweb.in/Render/ShowContent.aspx?ct=Essays&bi=72EE92F5-BE50-4057-6E6E-0F7410664DA3&ti=72EE92F5-BE50-4117-7E6E-0F7410664DA3&ch=1